I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
