He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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