cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
