I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
