i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
