girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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