I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
