i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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