this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
