here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
