also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
