i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
