i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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