I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
