What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
