Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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