I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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