I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
