Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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