Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
