I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
