I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
