I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
