I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
