please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
now i know why i became what i already was.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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