I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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