it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
