I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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