I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
