he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
