he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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