I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
