I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
