you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
