can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
