oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
