No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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