i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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