WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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