eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
