I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Is it because I queefed?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Randomize
