LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
