if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
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