Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
