wakey wakey hands off snakey
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
