I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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