I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
