Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
