That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
