I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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