I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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